You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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