I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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