she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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