WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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