I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
