the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
