i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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