I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need a burrito and a hug.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
