At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The air was thick with penises
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
