i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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