I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
