Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
