Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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