Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
