You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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