I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
