Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize