He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
