how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
