There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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