just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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