Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
