Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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