Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
