she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
