Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
