we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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