Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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