Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sober January is a disaster.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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