you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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