Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
