After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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