I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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