Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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