Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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