It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
