They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
