im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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