Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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