Even water is tasting like jack daniels
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
