the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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