I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
