i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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