Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
