there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
