I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
