Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
