She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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