Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
