I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
