She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
