the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
