He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
