What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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