Just cropdusted the office
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
