so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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