just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
