he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
