You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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