i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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