what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
