I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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