I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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