I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
