Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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