What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
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