why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
