He felt like a one man threesome
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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