even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
