Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
