woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
