Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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