Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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