pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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