I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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