Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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