How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
